Shut Up, Whiners
Every year, on 26 January, Aussies celebrate Australia Day.
Back when I was a kid, Australia Day meant that you piled into the car with your parents and siblings and you all made your way down to the foreshore and you spent all day there.
Mum would break up a chook around about 6pm and because you’d spent the day running around and swimming in the river (because it was safe to do that back when I was a kid) you and your sibling/s would fall on the chicken like a wild pack of wolves (minus the growling), fill up on sugary drinks, run around some more, and then finally settle down to watch some awesome fireworks set to music from Australian artists that lasted for about 5 minutes and only came in two colours and one style.
When it came to leaving, everyone was polite and let everyone merge into neat and orderly lines and you were usually home within an hour – not that bad, considering we lived 10 minutes away from Perth.
It’s not like I thought, back then, that one day I’d do the same thing with my kids, but when I did have them, come Australia Day, I was taking the trek with Talia so that she could have the fun that I used to have as a kid.
So the river wasn’t as clean, but she would always quickly make friends and spend the day running around like a blue-arsed fly till she would fall down in my lap to watch the fireworks.
Even without the swimming, it was still idyllic and still enjoyable. It didn’t matter that it took me an hour and a half to make the same journey home – even though I lived the same distance from Perth as my parents did, and Talia enjoyed it. Besides, she was getting 15 minutes of fireworks and not only were there more colours, but there were heaps of different styles – stuff on the ground that looked like water fountains and there was the massive chrysanthemum firework at the end
15 years later, going to the foreshore to watch the fireworks is a fucking nightmare. Sure you get 30 minutes of neat shit that boggles the mind and laser stuff and fireworks shooting off the Narrows Bridge and from Kings Park, but the people!!!!
First, the river is a freaken cesspool. I can’t believe I used to go crabbing and prawning in that river, because now you couldn’t pay me to put a foot in it. Then there’s the drunken brawls and the rioting, because Aussies en masse can’t handle their piss anymore. Added to that, because those drunken fucks are irresponsible and drink drive, the average time for getting home is fucking HOURS because the police are out in force and breathalizing everyone to see whose drunk and who isn’t.
Thanks to 2004 (link, link, link), in 2005 I decided to go to the beach and watch the fireworks from there. I then did this in 2006 and that was the year of fucking AWESOME fireworks that clashed for supremacy with a lightening storm and the girls and I sat on the shore with waves breaking over our submerged parts and it was… orgasmic (I was at this beach, but where I was sitting, the fireworks were just slightly to the left of the lightening storm just behind it. I’ve never ooooh’d and ahhhh’d so much in my life).
Police thought they’d give the Aussies a go, and in 2008 they allowed a “quiet drink” for the mum and dad crowd, but banned alcohol for under 18’s (and rightly so) and had the authority to confiscate alcohol from trouble makers.
This is the result…
Who wants to take their kids to that?
Enter all the whiny bastards who seem to have an inability to have a good time without hitting the turps. If I see one more person say “well… it’s UnAustralian because we can’t drink” I will punch a kitten.
It’s not surprising that dumb cunts like Howard Sattler can’t help but put his worthless two cents in. Apparently old and loud-mouthed equates to speaking up on behalf of Australians, no matter how misguided you are.
Howard Sattler:
“Mild mannered, decent folk will join drunken yobbos as police targets. A sip of chardonnay at a family picnic will attract confiscation, prosecution and fines of up to several hundred dollars, even if there is no evidence of misbehaviour.”
Well boo-fucking-hoo.
I’m a firm believer that you reap what you sow, and until people in large crowds can act responsibly when alcohol is involved, then I’m all for this ban, and while Perthites click yes or no on polls (notice 60% disagree with the alcohol ban), and cry into their beers that won’t be present on Australia Day on the foreshore or any of the other locations – that’s providing people actually leave their piss at home, lets remember that Perth is the LAST State to bring this in, even though street drinking has always been illegal.
Toughen up, princesses. If you can’t enjoy a night out without getting shit-faced, then stay home.
Thanks.
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